Lord save me...

In my coke induced haze, i dont recall if i spoke to him. I do vaguely remember saying something about working at 4:30 in the morning when asked why I was up so late. That's around 5 in the evening for him. Did i unleash my melodrama? That was the only thing that was pounding in my head other than the substance going down. Hung over, I frantically scanned my phone for dialled numbers. I possibly couldn't have. Checked roomies phone. Nothing. Could I have possibly deleted call records. Possible.
I muddily recall standing by the window, downing a glass of cheap rum. Quite a large one at that. Was that the moment in the conversation? I never heard from him so did it happen? If it didn't why is something playing in my head?
I also recall slumping onto my bed because my insides hurt. Not physically. But it hurt. Sheering pain immoble and piercing through my very consciousness. I wanted to scream but no voice was heard. I was crying inside but not a tear fell off my eyes. I squinted, clenched, squirmed but my physicallity would not allow any of the pain to show. I wanted to bawl but all i managed was a scowl. I drifted off pathetically feeling how weak a person he's brought me down to...